Bat Jokes Funny

Bat Jokes

Q: What's a bats favorite desert? 

A: I-Scream! 

Q: How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? 

A: Every night he turns into a bat. 

Q: How do you write a book about Bats? 

A: With a ghostwriter. 

Q: Did you hear about the two bats meeting? 

A: It was love at first bite! 

Q: What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? 

A: blood-thirsty hacker baby 

Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash? 

A: Because he had bat breath. 

Q: What did the pitcher tell the bat? 

A: Batter-up. 

Q: Where do bats keep their money? 

A: The blood bank!!! 

Q: How do bats tell their future? 

A: They read their horrorscope. 

Q: What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? 

A: Anything you want as he can't hear you! 

Q: What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? 

A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine! 

Q: What is the first thing that bats learn at school? 

A: The alphabat. 

Q: When does a bat go "mooooo"? 

A: When it is learning a new language! 

Q: Who were the original transformers? 

A: Vampire bats! 

Q: What's more amazing than a talking bat? 

A: A spelling bee! 

Q: What did the bat say to the diabetic? 

A: Nice knawing you! 

Q: What do you call a bat with ebola? 

A: African batman. 

See more: Funny short jokes

Redneck Valentines Jokes Funny

Redneck Valentines Jokes

You have all yore teeth, for which I am proud; 

I hold my head high when we're in a crowd. 

On special occasions, when you shave yore armpits, 

Well, I'm in hawg heaven, I'm plumb outta my wits. 

And speakin' of wits, you've got plenty fer shore. 

'Cuz you married me back in '74. 

Still them fellers at work they all want to know, 

What I did to deserve such a purty, young doe. 

Like a good roll of duct tape, yo're there fer yore man, 

To patch up life's troubles and stick 'em in the can. 

Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler racin' through the mud, 

Yet fragile as that sanger named Naomi Judd. 

Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead. 

You ain't mean like no far ant upon which I oft' tread. 

Cut from the best pattern like a flannel shirt of plaid, 

You sparked up my life like a Rattletrap shad. 

When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack, 

My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack. 

Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'. 

Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'. 

And when you get old like a '57 Chevy, 

Won't put you on blocks and let grass grow up heavy. 

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie, with a RC cold drank, 

We go together like a skunk goes with stank. 

Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day; 

They git it at Wal-Mart; It's romantic that way. 

Some men git roses on that special day, 

From the cooler at Kroger. "That's impressive," I say. 

See more: Clean joke of the day

Leap Day Jokes Funny

Leap Day Jokes Funny

What do athletes wear on Leap Day? 

Jumpsuits. 

What do you call a talking Kangaroo? 

Unbe-Leap-able. 

Where do most people eat on Leap Day? 

IHOP. 

What kind of music do you listen to on Leap Day? 

Hip Hop. 

What do kids play on Leap Day? 

Hop-scotch 

What do you tell a hitchhiker on Leap Day? 

Hop In. 

What did baby kangaroo say to mama kangaroo? 

Don't leap me hanging. 

What does a lawyer do on Leap Day? 

Jump to conclusions. 

What is a frog's favorite time of year? 

Leap Day. 

What do you call a talking frog? 

A quantum leap. 

What do surgeons perform on Leap Day? 

Hop-erations. 

See more: Good Jokes For Adults

The Bet Joke Funny

The Bet Joke

Short joke of the day

Three Friends an Italian a German and a Greek they decided to bet it's other 100 euros who is going to make their wives scream more from sex. 

So they all go home to have sex with their wives so they make them scream. 

The next day the meet. 

The Italian says, "I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours." 

The German says, "That's nothing, I start licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that." 

The Greek says, " That's nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times I wiped my Dick in the curtain and she still screaming." 

Witch Jokes Funny

Witch Jokes Funny

Daily jokes

Q: What did the goblin say to the witch? 

A: I don't know you tell me! 

Q: What is a witch's favorite subject in school? 

A: Spelling 

Q: Why don't witches wear underwear when riding their broomsticks? 

A: So they can get a better grip! 

Q: What do u get when theres a witch in the desert? 

A: You get a sandwich. 

Q: What do witches get at hotels? 

A: Broom service 

Q: What did the teenage witch ask her mother on Haloween? 

A: Can i have the keys to the broom tonight. 

Q: Who was the most famous witch detective? 

A: Warlock Holmes 

Q: What do they teach in witching school? 

A: Spelling. 

Q: Why don't angry witches ride their brooms? 

A: They're afraid of flying off the handle 

Q: What do witches use in their hair? 

A: Scare-spray 

Q: Why couldn't Dorothy tell the bad witch from the good witch? 

A: Because she didn't know which witch was which! 

Q: Why couldn't the witch have children? 

A: Her husband had a hallow weenie. 

Q: How do you make a Witch scratch herself? 

A: Take away the W! 

Q: How do you know a witch invented the alphabet? 

A: Because you have to spell it. 

Q: What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? 

A: A sand-witch. 

Q: Why does a witch ride a broom? 

A: Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord. 

Q: What do you call a witch's garage? 

A: A broom closet. 

Balls and Brains Jokes That'll Make You Laugh

Balls and Brains Jokes

Funny jokes to tell your friends

A Marine General, an Army General and a Navy Admiral were discussing who had the toughest men.

The Army General says, "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!"

The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?"

The General says, "See that man over there? Kill him!"

Without hesitating, the private kills the man.

The General says, "See? That man has balls!"

The Marine General says, "That's nothing. Private, get over here!"

The Marine Private reports, "Yes, sir?"

The Marine General says, "See that man over there? Kill him and then kill yourself."

Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blows away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds.

The Marine General says, "See? Now that man has balls!"

The Admiral says, "That's nothing."

He calls to a seaman high up on a tower, "Hey, seaman, jump off that tower!" The seaman answers, "Excuse me, sir?"

The Admiral repeats, "JUMP OFF THAT TOWER!"

The seaman replies, "Fuck you, sir!" The Admiral says, "See? That man has balls and he's got brains too!"

MILITARY   

One Eared Admiral

A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the Navy and eventually became an Admiral. During his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.

One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff. The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview.

At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

The Master Chief answered, "I couldn't help but notice you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."

The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.

The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, you seem to be short one ear."

The Admiral threw him out also.

The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral went ahead with the same question.

"Do you notice anything different about me?"

To his surprise the Sergeant Major said, "Yes sir you wear contact lenses."

The Admiral, impressed thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how do you know that?" the Admiral asked.

The Sergeant Major replied, "Well sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one fuckin ear."

DOING THE SCREW

It's 1957, and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in.
He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date. Bobbytells him that they'll probably go to the malt shop or a drive-in movie.
Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it."
Bobby is shocked. "Excuse me, sir?"
"Oh yes," he replies. "Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her."
Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go.
About 20 minutes later, Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams, "Dad! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"

Old Couple Joke Funny

Old Couple Joke Funny

Good clean jokes

An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening. 

He was impressed by the way his buddy addressed his wife with endearing terms-calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. 

The couple had been married almost 70 years, and they appeared still very clearly in love. 

While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy, 

"I think it's wonderful that, after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names." 

The old man hung his head. 

"I have to tell you the truth, he said. "I forgot her name about ten years ago." 

HOWARD KREMER: MIDGETS LOVE PIZZA

We all know that midgets love pizza. That's what makes them so easy to kidnap. Here's what you do: you get a hot slice of pizza; you put it in the trunk of your car. You wait like five, 10 minutes, hide behind a tree, and that hungry little guy will come waddling by. As soon as they start eating, they actually become quite docile, OK? You can pet them, stroke them -- do whatever you want to do. Just be careful when they get down to the crust: that's when they become dangerous again; that's when you slam it shut. Congratulations... you got yourself a little person!

Thanksgiving Funny Jokes And Riddles Ever

Thanksgiving Funny Jokes And Riddles Ever

Good clean jokes

Why do pilgrims pants keep falling down? 

Because their belt buckles are on their hats! 

Why did they let the turkey join the band? 

Because he had the drumsticks 

What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? 

Spanksgiving. 

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? 

"If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!" 

What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?

If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy! 

What if the Pilgrims shot a bobcat instead of a turkey? 

We'd be eating pussy for Thanksgiving! If a man wants to eat a turkey on Thanksgiving, 

what does a turkey want?

 It simply wants to run away. 

What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? 

God save the kin. 

Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? 

The outside 

Why did the police arrest the turkey? 

They suspected it of fowl play 

What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? 

The turKEY 

What did the turkey say before it was roasted? 

Boy! I'm stuffed! 

What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? 

He had an arrow escape 

What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? 

To be or not to be roasted, that is the question. 

Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? 

Because they never learned good table manners! 

What sound does a space turkey make? 

Hubble, Hubble, Hubble! 

When does your brother bring his new girlfriend to dinner? 

Skanksgiving. 

What key has legs and can't open doors? 

A Turkey. 

Why did the turkey cross the road? 

It was the chicken's day off! 

Which cat discovered America? 

Christofurry Columbus 

What are the feathers on a turkey's wings called? 

Turkey feathers 

Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down? 

Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat. 

What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? 

The turkey trot 

What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? 

Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving 

What did the turkey say to the computer? 

Google, google, google! 

What do you call the age of a pilgrim? 

Pilgrimage. 

What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach?

 Puritan. 

What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? 

Pil-grimace. 

What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? 

Pilgrammar. 

What do modern day Native Americans call a pilgrim? 

Pilgrim Reaper. 

What was the turkey looking for at ToysRus?

 Gobbleheads. 

What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? 

He had an arrow escape. 

What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? 

A poultrygeist! 

Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? 

The turkey because he's already stuffed! In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey. If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet. 

Top Funniest Dirty Jokes of All Time

Top Funniest Dirty Jokes of All Time

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

Beat it. We’re closed.

Why was the guitar teacher arrested?

For fingering a minor.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

He only comes once a year.

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lick-a-lotta-puss.

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cubes have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.

What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years, your job will still suck.

Why do walruses love a tupperware party?

They’re always on the lookout for a tight seal.

What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?

Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

Why did God give men penises?

So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.

What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?

Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

Funny Jokes For A Girl To Tell One Liners

Funny Jokes For A Girl To Tell One Liners

Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.

Now what's on the menu? Me-n-u

You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall... is in love with me.

"Excuse me miss, can I have the time? I'd check my watch but I can't take my eyes off you."

I'm sorry I wasn't part of your past, can I make it up by being in your future?

I'm no photographer, but I can picture us together..

You're so beautiful you made me forget my pick up line.

Forget hydrogen, you're my number one element.

Wanna dance? I can really put your inertia in motion.

Are you a keyboard? Because you're my type!

Baby, if you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple.

Well, here I am! What are your other two wishes?

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "U" and "I" together.

Did you know that your body is made 70% of water? And now I'm thirsty.

Did you fall from heaven? Cause your face is pretty messed up!

Circus Jokes--Funny Jokes Jokes

Circus Jokes 

Did you hear about the circus fire? 

Yeah, it was in'tents'. 

What did the egg say to the clown? 

You crack me up! 

How do you get a retired carnie off your porch? 

Pay him for the pizza. 

What is the gooey red stuff between an elephant's toes? 

Slow clowns. 

Did you hear about the circus clown funeral? 

All his friends came in one car. 

How do you make a juggler laugh? 

You tickle his balls. 

Why did the elephant leave the circus? 

He was tired of working for peanuts. 

How do you kill a circus clown? 

Go for the juggler! Why don't cannibals eat clowns? 

Because they taste funny! 

Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton. 

Why don't sharks eat clowns? They taste funny. How is being at the singles bar different from going to the circus? 

At the circus the clowns don't talk. Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it's all screaming. 

I manufactured clown shoes.....which was no small feat. My departed uncle was a circus clown. 

After he died all his friends came to the funeral in one car. Is your dad a carnie (carnival worker) 

Because I want you sit to on my face while I try to guess your weight. Lets play circus, first sit on my face i'll guess ur weight and i'll eat the difference. 

Jokes About Mother--Funny Jokes Jokes

Jokes About Mother

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. 

“Mother, where do babies come from?” 

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. 

One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” 

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, 

“That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. 

That’s how you get a baby, honey.” 

The child seems to comprehend. 

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” 

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

Circumcised Boy Jokes

Circumcised Boy 

A young 7 year old boy wanted to be circumcised when he realized he looked different than dad and his friends. A day after the proceedure he returned to school. 

During class, he felt under the weather and asked for permission to go to the nurse. 

When he arrived at her office, he hesitated and finally just asked if he could call his mother. Sensing this was personal, the nurse stepped into the hall and closed the door to allow him privacy. Several minutes later the little boy came out of her office and the nurse noticed his penis was sticking out of his pants. "Where are you going?" she asked. 

"Back to class," said the boy. "But you can't go back like that!" explained the nurse. "I have to," stressed the boy. "My mother said that if I could just stick it out until lunchtime, she would come and pick me up." 

Senility Prayer--Funny Jokes Jokes

SENILITY PRAYER 

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. As I've grown older (but refused to grow up) I've discovered: 

ONE- I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. 

TWO- My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran. 

THREE- I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart. 

FOUR- Funny, I don't remember being absent minded... 

FIVE- All reports are in; life is now officially unfair. 

SIX- If all is not lost, where is it? SEVEN- It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. 

EIGHT- Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant. NINE- I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few... 

TEN- Kids in the back seat cause accidents. 

ELEVEN- Accidents in the back seat cause...kids. 

TWELVE- It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. 

THIRTEEN- The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom. 

FOURTEEN- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. 

FIFTEEN- When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to  play chess? 

SIXTEEN- It's not hard to meet expenses...  they're everywhere. 

SEVENTEEN- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. 

EIGHTEEN- These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after. 

Signs Of The 21st Century--Funny Jokes Jokes

SIGNS OF THE 21ST CENTURY

short jokes

-- You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.

-- You have a list of 20 phone numbers to reach five people.

-- You chat several times a day with a Nigerian prince over e-mail, but you couldn't name your neighbor.

-- When paying a cashier, you only know how to respond to "credit or debit" -- what the hell is "cash"?

-- You think "music in the air" refers to free downloads.

-- You lose touch with any family member who doesn't have an email address.

-- Second-day delivery takes way too long.

-- You need PowerPoint to explain what you do for a living.

- A "half day" means leaving at 5 p.m.

-- You find jokes on computers, not in books or word of mouth.

Blind Bunny Meets Blind Snake--Funny Jokes Jokes

BLIND BUNNY MEETS BLIND SNAKE

A blind bunny and a blind snake bump into each other on the path.

"What kind of animal are you?" asks the snake.

"I really don't know," says the bunny. "I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out?"

So, the snake felt the bunny. "Well, you're soft and cuddly," said the snake. "You have long silky ears and a little fluffy tail. You must be a bunny!"

"Awesome!" says the bunny. "Now what kind of animal are you?"

"I really don't know," says the snake. "I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out?"

So, the bunny feels the snake all over, and he replies, "You're hard and cold, and you haven't got any balls. You must be a lawyer!"

Defendant--Funny Jokes Jokes

Defendant

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. 

 "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw." From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, 

"You lying bastard!" 

"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, 

"You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel." "You tightwad!" blurts the spectator. 

"Quiet!" yelled the judge. 

 "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill." 

"You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout. The judge thunders back, 

" I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?" 

"I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"

Bar Jokes--Funny Jokes Jokes

Bar Jokes

A string walks into a bar and orders a drink. 

The bartender turns to him and says, 

"Sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here." 

The next day, clinging to a thread, the string returns to that same bar and orders a drink again. 

The bartender, resolute, again turns and says, 

"I'm sorry, sir, but like I said, we don't serve strings here. I'm going to have to ask you not to return." Dejected, the string returns home. 

All night he tosses and turns, wriggles and writhes, and awakes the next morning not at all resembling himself. 

Catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he brightens and jets out his door to that bar. Swaggering in, he orders a drink one more time. 

The bartender stares at him, squinty eyed, and asks, 

"I'm sorry, are you a string? You look very familiar." 

The string locks eyes with the bartender, and states, 

"No, sir. I'm a frayed knot."

Bragging About Son Joke

Bragging About Son Joke

Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons. “My Freddie,” said Margaret, 

“Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. 

Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much as hint that I want something the next morning it’s on my doorstep.” 

“That’s very nice about your Freddie”, says Gertrude. “But with all due respect, when I think about the way my Sammy takes care of me, it just can’t compare. Every morning as soon as I wake up he greets me with bacon and freshly brewed coffee. 

Every lunch he comes over and cooks me a gourmet lunch, and every supper he brings me to his house for supper, he truly treats me like a queen.” 

“WELL!” Says Barbara 

“I don’t want to make any of you feel bad or anything, but wait until you hear about my Harry, twice a week he pays someone $200 an hour just so he can lie on their couch and talk to them, and who do you think he speaks about at those prices? Asks Barbara with a big excited double chin smile, 

“I’ll tell you who he speaks about! ALL HE SPEAKS ABOUT IS ME!” 

Blind Carpenter Joke--Funny Jokes Jokes

Blind Carpenter Joke

A blind carpenter walks into a lumber mill and shouts out,

 "I am a blind carpenter and I need a job." The foreman walks over to the blind carpenter and says, "If you're blind, how can you work in a lumber yard?" 

The blind carpenter says, "I can tell any piece of lumber by it's smell." 

The foreman says "O.K. I'll give you a test and if you pass the test, you've got a job." 

The foreman takes the carpenter over to a table and says, "I will put some lumber on a table in front of you and you tell me what it is." 

The foreman then puts a piece of lumber on the table and says, "Ready!" The carpenter bends over and takes a deep sniff moving his head from one side to the other. He says "That's a number two pine, two by four, eight foot long." The foreman says, "Duh! That's right, but pine is easy to tell by the smell and I think you guessed the rest. 

Here's another piece of lumber for you to identify." The foreman puts a piece of lumber on the table and says, "Ready!" The blind carpenter bends over and takes a deep sniff moving his head from one side to the other and says, "This is a tough one, please turn it over so I can smell the other side." The foreman does this and says "Ready!" The carpenter takes another deep sniff moving his head from side to side. He then says, "That's a clear heart red wood, four by four, six foot long." 

The foreman is amazed and says "That's right, but I still think you're just lucky and still guessing. Let me try one more time and if you get it right you got a job." 

The foreman then goes into the office and asks his secretary to help him stump the blind carpenter by taking off all of her clothes and laying down on the table. She takes off her clothes walks out of the office and lays face down on the table. The foreman says, 

"Ready!" The blind carpenter takes a deep sniff moving his head from side to side. 

He looks puzzled and takes another sniff and says, 

"This also is a tough one, please turn it over so I can smell the other side." The foreman gestures with his hand to the secretary, she rolls over, and the foreman says, 

"Ready!" The blind carpenter moves his head from side to side again looking puzzled. 

He sniffs one more time, looks surprised, and says, 

"I got it. That's a shit house door off a tuna boat." He got the job. 

A Man's Logic--Funny Jokes Jokes

A MAN'S LOGIC

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. 

The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, 

"Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me." 

The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, 

"OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"

Joke About Memory--Funny Jokes Jokes

Joke About Memory

Let's read Bad Memory Jokes  about Jokes About Retirement, Memory Fun Facts

An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. When they get home, the wife says, 

"Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?" 

"Nonsense," says the husband, 

"I can remember a dish of ice cream." 

"Well," says the wife, 

"I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it." 

"My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. 

"No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down." 

He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. 

The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs. She looks at the plate and asks, 

"Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"