Halloween Jokes

Halloween Jokes

Why couldn't the witch have children? 

Her husband had a hallow weenie. 

Which ghost is the best dancer? 

The Boogie Man! 

How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween?

Pump kin! 

When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? 

On Fry Day 

What's a monsters favorite desert? 

I-Scream! 

What do you call a Halloween boner? 

Petrified wood 

What do you call a dancing ghost?

Polka-haunt-us 

What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? 

A "hollow-weenie!" 

Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? 

The whole vibe was anything ghost (goes). 

How do you write a book about halloween? 

With a ghostwriter. 

See more: Funny jokes for adults

Chipmunk Jokes

Chipmunk Jokes

Q: Why do chipmunks swim on there back? 

A: To keep their nuts dry! 

Q: Why did the chipmunk cross the road? 

A: To prove to the possum that it could be done! 

Q: Why was the chipmunk late for work? 

A: Traffic was NUTS. 

Q: How many chipmunks does it take to change a light bulb? 

A: Actually, none because chipmunks only change bulbs that are NUT broken. 

Q: Why does it take more than one chipmunk to screw in a lightbulb? 

A: Because they're so darn stupid! 

Q: Why can't you be friends with a chipmunk? 

A: They drive everyone nuts. 

Q: Why do Chip N Dale sit on their butts all day? 

A: To keep their nuts dry! 

Q: What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips? 

A: A chipmunk. 

Q: What do you call a chubby chipmunk? 

A: Theodorable. 

Q: Why shouldn't you rape a tree? 

A: There might be a chipmunk in there looking for nuts. 

Q: Why don't chipmunks wear skinny jeans? 

A: Because their nuts won't fit. 

Q: How does Alvin the Chipmunk like to drive a car? 

A: Fast and Furry-ous.

Q: Why did the chipmunk take apart the classic car? 

A: To get down to the nuts and bolts. 

Q: Why couldn't the chipmunk eat the macadamia nut? 

A: It was one tough nut to crack. 

Q: Why shouldn't you let Alvin drive a boat? 

A: He's likely to get Chipwrecked. 

Q: What do you call 144 chipmunks in a box? 

A: Gross! 

See more: Funny jokes to tell your friends

Dog Jokes For Kids That Are Really Funny

Dog Jokes

Q: Why did the dog wear white sneakers? 

A: Because his boots were at the menders! 

Q: Why does a dog lick his own dick? 

A: Because he cant make a fist 

Q: Why does the dog bring toilet paper to the party? 

A: Because he is a party pooper. 

Q: What is a dog's favorite food? 

A: Anything that is on your plate! 

Q: What is the only kind of dog you can eat? 

A: A hot dog! 

Q: What kind of dog sounds like you can eat it? 

A: A sausage dog! 

Q: What did the cat say to the dog? 

A: Check meow-t! 

Q: What do you do if your dog eats your pen? 

A: Use a pencil instead! 

Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a cheetah? 

A: A dog that chases cars - and catches them! 

Q: What happens when it rains cats and dogs? 

A: You can step in a poodle! 

Q: What do you call a dog that licks an electrical socket? 

A: Sparky. 

Q: Where did the dog fall asleep? 

A: In the barking lot. 

Q: What happens when you throw a ball in a dogs throat? 

A: It comes out as ballshit. 

Q: What's a dogs favorite kind of pizza? 

A: Pupperoni. 

Q: What time is it when ten dogs chase a cat? 

A: Ten After One. 

Q: What do you call a dog with a Rolex? 

A: A watch dog. 

Q: Why was the cat scared of the tree? 

A: Because of its bark. 

Q: What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear? 

A: A petticoat! 

Q: What do you call a dog with a fever? 

A: A hot dog. 

See more:  Funny jokes for kids

Bat Jokes Funny

Bat Jokes

Q: What's a bats favorite desert? 

A: I-Scream! 

Q: How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? 

A: Every night he turns into a bat. 

Q: How do you write a book about Bats? 

A: With a ghostwriter. 

Q: Did you hear about the two bats meeting? 

A: It was love at first bite! 

Q: What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? 

A: blood-thirsty hacker baby 

Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash? 

A: Because he had bat breath. 

Q: What did the pitcher tell the bat? 

A: Batter-up. 

Q: Where do bats keep their money? 

A: The blood bank!!! 

Q: How do bats tell their future? 

A: They read their horrorscope. 

Q: What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? 

A: Anything you want as he can't hear you! 

Q: What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? 

A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine! 

Q: What is the first thing that bats learn at school? 

A: The alphabat. 

Q: When does a bat go "mooooo"? 

A: When it is learning a new language! 

Q: Who were the original transformers? 

A: Vampire bats! 

Q: What's more amazing than a talking bat? 

A: A spelling bee! 

Q: What did the bat say to the diabetic? 

A: Nice knawing you! 

Q: What do you call a bat with ebola? 

A: African batman. 

See more: Funny short jokes

Redneck Valentines Jokes Funny

Redneck Valentines Jokes

You have all yore teeth, for which I am proud; 

I hold my head high when we're in a crowd. 

On special occasions, when you shave yore armpits, 

Well, I'm in hawg heaven, I'm plumb outta my wits. 

And speakin' of wits, you've got plenty fer shore. 

'Cuz you married me back in '74. 

Still them fellers at work they all want to know, 

What I did to deserve such a purty, young doe. 

Like a good roll of duct tape, yo're there fer yore man, 

To patch up life's troubles and stick 'em in the can. 

Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler racin' through the mud, 

Yet fragile as that sanger named Naomi Judd. 

Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead. 

You ain't mean like no far ant upon which I oft' tread. 

Cut from the best pattern like a flannel shirt of plaid, 

You sparked up my life like a Rattletrap shad. 

When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack, 

My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack. 

Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'. 

Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'. 

And when you get old like a '57 Chevy, 

Won't put you on blocks and let grass grow up heavy. 

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie, with a RC cold drank, 

We go together like a skunk goes with stank. 

Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day; 

They git it at Wal-Mart; It's romantic that way. 

Some men git roses on that special day, 

From the cooler at Kroger. "That's impressive," I say. 

See more: Clean joke of the day

Leap Day Jokes Funny

Leap Day Jokes Funny

What do athletes wear on Leap Day? 

Jumpsuits. 

What do you call a talking Kangaroo? 

Unbe-Leap-able. 

Where do most people eat on Leap Day? 

IHOP. 

What kind of music do you listen to on Leap Day? 

Hip Hop. 

What do kids play on Leap Day? 

Hop-scotch 

What do you tell a hitchhiker on Leap Day? 

Hop In. 

What did baby kangaroo say to mama kangaroo? 

Don't leap me hanging. 

What does a lawyer do on Leap Day? 

Jump to conclusions. 

What is a frog's favorite time of year? 

Leap Day. 

What do you call a talking frog? 

A quantum leap. 

What do surgeons perform on Leap Day? 

Hop-erations. 

See more: Good Jokes For Adults

The Bet Joke Funny

The Bet Joke

Short joke of the day

Three Friends an Italian a German and a Greek they decided to bet it's other 100 euros who is going to make their wives scream more from sex. 

So they all go home to have sex with their wives so they make them scream. 

The next day the meet. 

The Italian says, "I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours." 

The German says, "That's nothing, I start licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that." 

The Greek says, " That's nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times I wiped my Dick in the curtain and she still screaming."