Thanksgiving Funny Jokes And Riddles Ever

Thanksgiving Funny Jokes And Riddles Ever

Good clean jokes

Why do pilgrims pants keep falling down? 

Because their belt buckles are on their hats! 

Why did they let the turkey join the band? 

Because he had the drumsticks 

What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? 

Spanksgiving. 

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? 

"If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!" 

What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?

If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy! 

What if the Pilgrims shot a bobcat instead of a turkey? 

We'd be eating pussy for Thanksgiving! If a man wants to eat a turkey on Thanksgiving, 

what does a turkey want?

 It simply wants to run away. 

What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? 

God save the kin. 

Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? 

The outside 

Why did the police arrest the turkey? 

They suspected it of fowl play 

What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? 

The turKEY 

What did the turkey say before it was roasted? 

Boy! I'm stuffed! 

What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? 

He had an arrow escape 

What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? 

To be or not to be roasted, that is the question. 

Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? 

Because they never learned good table manners! 

What sound does a space turkey make? 

Hubble, Hubble, Hubble! 

When does your brother bring his new girlfriend to dinner? 

Skanksgiving. 

What key has legs and can't open doors? 

A Turkey. 

Why did the turkey cross the road? 

It was the chicken's day off! 

Which cat discovered America? 

Christofurry Columbus 

What are the feathers on a turkey's wings called? 

Turkey feathers 

Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down? 

Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat. 

What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? 

The turkey trot 

What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? 

Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving 

What did the turkey say to the computer? 

Google, google, google! 

What do you call the age of a pilgrim? 

Pilgrimage. 

What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach?

 Puritan. 

What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? 

Pil-grimace. 

What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? 

Pilgrammar. 

What do modern day Native Americans call a pilgrim? 

Pilgrim Reaper. 

What was the turkey looking for at ToysRus?

 Gobbleheads. 

What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? 

He had an arrow escape. 

What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? 

A poultrygeist! 

Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? 

The turkey because he's already stuffed! In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey. If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet. 

Top Funniest Dirty Jokes of All Time

Top Funniest Dirty Jokes of All Time

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

Beat it. We’re closed.

Why was the guitar teacher arrested?

For fingering a minor.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

He only comes once a year.

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lick-a-lotta-puss.

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cubes have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.

What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years, your job will still suck.

Why do walruses love a tupperware party?

They’re always on the lookout for a tight seal.

What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?

Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

Why did God give men penises?

So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.

What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?

Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

Funny Jokes For A Girl To Tell One Liners

Funny Jokes For A Girl To Tell One Liners

Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.

Now what's on the menu? Me-n-u

You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall... is in love with me.

"Excuse me miss, can I have the time? I'd check my watch but I can't take my eyes off you."

I'm sorry I wasn't part of your past, can I make it up by being in your future?

I'm no photographer, but I can picture us together..

You're so beautiful you made me forget my pick up line.

Forget hydrogen, you're my number one element.

Wanna dance? I can really put your inertia in motion.

Are you a keyboard? Because you're my type!

Baby, if you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple.

Well, here I am! What are your other two wishes?

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "U" and "I" together.

Did you know that your body is made 70% of water? And now I'm thirsty.

Did you fall from heaven? Cause your face is pretty messed up!

Circus Jokes--Funny Jokes Jokes

Circus Jokes 

Did you hear about the circus fire? 

Yeah, it was in'tents'. 

What did the egg say to the clown? 

You crack me up! 

How do you get a retired carnie off your porch? 

Pay him for the pizza. 

What is the gooey red stuff between an elephant's toes? 

Slow clowns. 

Did you hear about the circus clown funeral? 

All his friends came in one car. 

How do you make a juggler laugh? 

You tickle his balls. 

Why did the elephant leave the circus? 

He was tired of working for peanuts. 

How do you kill a circus clown? 

Go for the juggler! Why don't cannibals eat clowns? 

Because they taste funny! 

Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton. 

Why don't sharks eat clowns? They taste funny. How is being at the singles bar different from going to the circus? 

At the circus the clowns don't talk. Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it's all screaming. 

I manufactured clown shoes.....which was no small feat. My departed uncle was a circus clown. 

After he died all his friends came to the funeral in one car. Is your dad a carnie (carnival worker) 

Because I want you sit to on my face while I try to guess your weight. Lets play circus, first sit on my face i'll guess ur weight and i'll eat the difference. 

Jokes About Mother--Funny Jokes Jokes

Jokes About Mother

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. 

“Mother, where do babies come from?” 

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. 

One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” 

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, 

“That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. 

That’s how you get a baby, honey.” 

The child seems to comprehend. 

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” 

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

Circumcised Boy Jokes

Circumcised Boy 

A young 7 year old boy wanted to be circumcised when he realized he looked different than dad and his friends. A day after the proceedure he returned to school. 

During class, he felt under the weather and asked for permission to go to the nurse. 

When he arrived at her office, he hesitated and finally just asked if he could call his mother. Sensing this was personal, the nurse stepped into the hall and closed the door to allow him privacy. Several minutes later the little boy came out of her office and the nurse noticed his penis was sticking out of his pants. "Where are you going?" she asked. 

"Back to class," said the boy. "But you can't go back like that!" explained the nurse. "I have to," stressed the boy. "My mother said that if I could just stick it out until lunchtime, she would come and pick me up." 

Senility Prayer--Funny Jokes Jokes

SENILITY PRAYER 

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. As I've grown older (but refused to grow up) I've discovered: 

ONE- I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. 

TWO- My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran. 

THREE- I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart. 

FOUR- Funny, I don't remember being absent minded... 

FIVE- All reports are in; life is now officially unfair. 

SIX- If all is not lost, where is it? SEVEN- It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. 

EIGHT- Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant. NINE- I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few... 

TEN- Kids in the back seat cause accidents. 

ELEVEN- Accidents in the back seat cause...kids. 

TWELVE- It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. 

THIRTEEN- The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom. 

FOURTEEN- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. 

FIFTEEN- When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to  play chess? 

SIXTEEN- It's not hard to meet expenses...  they're everywhere. 

SEVENTEEN- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. 

EIGHTEEN- These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.