Bat Jokes Funny

Bat Jokes

Q: What's a bats favorite desert? 

A: I-Scream! 

Q: How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? 

A: Every night he turns into a bat. 

Q: How do you write a book about Bats? 

A: With a ghostwriter. 

Q: Did you hear about the two bats meeting? 

A: It was love at first bite! 

Q: What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? 

A: blood-thirsty hacker baby 

Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash? 

A: Because he had bat breath. 

Q: What did the pitcher tell the bat? 

A: Batter-up. 

Q: Where do bats keep their money? 

A: The blood bank!!! 

Q: How do bats tell their future? 

A: They read their horrorscope. 

Q: What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? 

A: Anything you want as he can't hear you! 

Q: What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? 

A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine! 

Q: What is the first thing that bats learn at school? 

A: The alphabat. 

Q: When does a bat go "mooooo"? 

A: When it is learning a new language! 

Q: Who were the original transformers? 

A: Vampire bats! 

Q: What's more amazing than a talking bat? 

A: A spelling bee! 

Q: What did the bat say to the diabetic? 

A: Nice knawing you! 

Q: What do you call a bat with ebola? 

A: African batman. 

See more: Funny short jokes

Redneck Valentines Jokes Funny

Redneck Valentines Jokes

You have all yore teeth, for which I am proud; 

I hold my head high when we're in a crowd. 

On special occasions, when you shave yore armpits, 

Well, I'm in hawg heaven, I'm plumb outta my wits. 

And speakin' of wits, you've got plenty fer shore. 

'Cuz you married me back in '74. 

Still them fellers at work they all want to know, 

What I did to deserve such a purty, young doe. 

Like a good roll of duct tape, yo're there fer yore man, 

To patch up life's troubles and stick 'em in the can. 

Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler racin' through the mud, 

Yet fragile as that sanger named Naomi Judd. 

Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead. 

You ain't mean like no far ant upon which I oft' tread. 

Cut from the best pattern like a flannel shirt of plaid, 

You sparked up my life like a Rattletrap shad. 

When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack, 

My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack. 

Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'. 

Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'. 

And when you get old like a '57 Chevy, 

Won't put you on blocks and let grass grow up heavy. 

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie, with a RC cold drank, 

We go together like a skunk goes with stank. 

Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day; 

They git it at Wal-Mart; It's romantic that way. 

Some men git roses on that special day, 

From the cooler at Kroger. "That's impressive," I say. 

See more: Clean joke of the day

Leap Day Jokes Funny

Leap Day Jokes Funny

What do athletes wear on Leap Day? 

Jumpsuits. 

What do you call a talking Kangaroo? 

Unbe-Leap-able. 

Where do most people eat on Leap Day? 

IHOP. 

What kind of music do you listen to on Leap Day? 

Hip Hop. 

What do kids play on Leap Day? 

Hop-scotch 

What do you tell a hitchhiker on Leap Day? 

Hop In. 

What did baby kangaroo say to mama kangaroo? 

Don't leap me hanging. 

What does a lawyer do on Leap Day? 

Jump to conclusions. 

What is a frog's favorite time of year? 

Leap Day. 

What do you call a talking frog? 

A quantum leap. 

What do surgeons perform on Leap Day? 

Hop-erations. 

See more: Good Jokes For Adults

The Bet Joke Funny

The Bet Joke

Short joke of the day

Three Friends an Italian a German and a Greek they decided to bet it's other 100 euros who is going to make their wives scream more from sex. 

So they all go home to have sex with their wives so they make them scream. 

The next day the meet. 

The Italian says, "I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours." 

The German says, "That's nothing, I start licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that." 

The Greek says, " That's nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times I wiped my Dick in the curtain and she still screaming." 

Witch Jokes Funny

Witch Jokes Funny

Daily jokes

Q: What did the goblin say to the witch? 

A: I don't know you tell me! 

Q: What is a witch's favorite subject in school? 

A: Spelling 

Q: Why don't witches wear underwear when riding their broomsticks? 

A: So they can get a better grip! 

Q: What do u get when theres a witch in the desert? 

A: You get a sandwich. 

Q: What do witches get at hotels? 

A: Broom service 

Q: What did the teenage witch ask her mother on Haloween? 

A: Can i have the keys to the broom tonight. 

Q: Who was the most famous witch detective? 

A: Warlock Holmes 

Q: What do they teach in witching school? 

A: Spelling. 

Q: Why don't angry witches ride their brooms? 

A: They're afraid of flying off the handle 

Q: What do witches use in their hair? 

A: Scare-spray 

Q: Why couldn't Dorothy tell the bad witch from the good witch? 

A: Because she didn't know which witch was which! 

Q: Why couldn't the witch have children? 

A: Her husband had a hallow weenie. 

Q: How do you make a Witch scratch herself? 

A: Take away the W! 

Q: How do you know a witch invented the alphabet? 

A: Because you have to spell it. 

Q: What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? 

A: A sand-witch. 

Q: Why does a witch ride a broom? 

A: Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord. 

Q: What do you call a witch's garage? 

A: A broom closet. 

Balls and Brains Jokes That'll Make You Laugh

Balls and Brains Jokes

Funny jokes to tell your friends

A Marine General, an Army General and a Navy Admiral were discussing who had the toughest men.

The Army General says, "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!"

The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?"

The General says, "See that man over there? Kill him!"

Without hesitating, the private kills the man.

The General says, "See? That man has balls!"

The Marine General says, "That's nothing. Private, get over here!"

The Marine Private reports, "Yes, sir?"

The Marine General says, "See that man over there? Kill him and then kill yourself."

Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blows away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds.

The Marine General says, "See? Now that man has balls!"

The Admiral says, "That's nothing."

He calls to a seaman high up on a tower, "Hey, seaman, jump off that tower!" The seaman answers, "Excuse me, sir?"

The Admiral repeats, "JUMP OFF THAT TOWER!"

The seaman replies, "Fuck you, sir!" The Admiral says, "See? That man has balls and he's got brains too!"

MILITARY   

One Eared Admiral

A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the Navy and eventually became an Admiral. During his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.

One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff. The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview.

At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

The Master Chief answered, "I couldn't help but notice you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."

The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.

The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, you seem to be short one ear."

The Admiral threw him out also.

The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral went ahead with the same question.

"Do you notice anything different about me?"

To his surprise the Sergeant Major said, "Yes sir you wear contact lenses."

The Admiral, impressed thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how do you know that?" the Admiral asked.

The Sergeant Major replied, "Well sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one fuckin ear."

DOING THE SCREW

It's 1957, and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in.
He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date. Bobbytells him that they'll probably go to the malt shop or a drive-in movie.
Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it."
Bobby is shocked. "Excuse me, sir?"
"Oh yes," he replies. "Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her."
Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go.
About 20 minutes later, Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams, "Dad! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"